Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize