i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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