I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize