So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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