The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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