Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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