did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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