so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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