CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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