so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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