I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
