he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
