"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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