This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
