Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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