Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
