You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
