i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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