I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize