I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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