So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
