I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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