i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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