We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.