Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
