She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
