You're my little dorito
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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