So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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