was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
