i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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