There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me