sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.