If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.