He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.