You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.