i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.