I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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