I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
