Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize