in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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