mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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