When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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