um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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