i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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