i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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