I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He passed out mid-signature
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
