We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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