Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize