i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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