You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you.
Bad choice
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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