I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
