You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
