So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize