The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
