Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?