Who did Billy Mays play for?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.