Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
