its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.