Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign

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  (714): OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign http://tfl.nu/7urn
  Replies (9) Good night (1884) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

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  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (4654) Bad night (53763) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (833) Bad night (6190) Order T-Shirt
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka

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  (325): I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka http://tfl.nu/q9is
  Replies (23) Good night (6635) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

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  (305): I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success. http://tfl.nu/yoei
  Replies (16) Good night (5954) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.

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  (401): Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you. http://tfl.nu/r8h0
  Replies (12) Good night (1071) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.

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  (913): He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka. http://tfl.nu/p6nb
  Replies (7) Good night (5552) Bad night (1019)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.

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  (206): thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it. http://tfl.nu/8gdu
  Replies (2) Good night (2721) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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  (516): my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing http://tfl.nu/sqvp
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?

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  (586): Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed? http://tfl.nu/l7cc
  Replies (19) Good night (1724) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'

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  (305): New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made' http://tfl.nu/jx5j
  Replies (1) Good night (874) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
  Replies (5) Good night (1202) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you

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  (843): Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you http://tfl.nu/1rr1
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.

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  (517): And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you. http://tfl.nu/j63g
  Replies (12) Good night (861) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML

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  (780): If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML http://tfl.nu/m3i8
  Replies (8) Good night (1263) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt

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