Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.

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  (415): God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave. http://tfl.nu/thh8
  Replies (2) Good night (753) Bad night (1346)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.

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  (804): So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets. http://tfl.nu/c2eo
  Replies (30) Good night (813) Bad night (1197)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"

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  (203): It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it" http://tfl.nu/xj55
  Replies (12) Good night (728) Bad night (3116)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can

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  (403): That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can http://tfl.nu/qmqm
  Replies (28) Good night (885) Bad night (4416)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

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  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6732) Bad night (1517)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.

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  (319): I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/jqgl
  Replies (36) Good night (7029) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

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  (778): working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out. http://tfl.nu/5n9v
  Replies (37) Good night (951) Bad night (6405)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (5260) Bad night (1665)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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  (352): Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american. http://tfl.nu/kvmq
  Replies (11) Good night (1878) Bad night (829)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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  (214): I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it http://tfl.nu/key8
  Replies (11) Good night (728) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone

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  (555): Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone http://tfl.nu/9aqw
  Replies (5) Good night (864) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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  (803): Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time. http://tfl.nu/1oum
  Replies (5) Good night (583) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...

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  (303): Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching... http://tfl.nu/8tua
  Replies (4) Good night (419) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

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  (727): So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink. http://tfl.nu/ln3w
  Replies (4) Good night (766) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.

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  (617): He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans. http://tfl.nu/bqwm
  Replies (2) Good night (672) Bad night (284)

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