She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?