She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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